Frequently Asked Questions (F.A.Q.)
Answers from the Emperor himself

What happened to your original website

It is not discussed.

What is this Cleansing I keep hearing about?

You fool, all those who pledge their loyalty to the Empire now, will be spared when the Cleansing begins. Believe me, you do not want to find out what the Cleansing it is. Never have you seen anything so terrible, so horrific ... make the right choice, the safe choice. JOIN NOW.

It is rumored that this Cleansing is never going to come about.

That's not a question, but I'll answer it anyway.  The Cleansing, like a great tide on the ocean of the universe, is already in motion.  The Cleansing Protocols are in effect even as we speak.  It shall come like a thief in the night.  It shall come like the jerk that hits your car door with his car door in the parking lot and drives off.  It will come like the clothes dryer melting tubes of chapstick in your overalls' pocket.  And the disloyal shall be gone.  Lickety-split.

Will pledging my loyalty to the Empire endanger my Christianity or my salvation?

Not at all. It is simply survival of the fittest. Jesus Christ and Paul the Apostle taught submission to local government and what better rule to submit to is there than that of the Glorious Empire? No, my zealot friends, when the Messiah returns, if he chooses to overthrow the Emperor, and if he succeeds, it will merely be part of Darwinism. If he fails, he wasn't really Jesus, but an imposter - and the strong will reign!

If I let my daughter join your harem, will she be treated well?


What does it feel like to be torn apart by a pack of raptors?

I do not know for sure, as no one has ever lived to tell about it, but it looks quite painful.

What is the Raptolier?

The Raptolier is the ultimate weapon against raptors. It is used in the control of our ever-growing raptor population. There is only one known Raptolier in existence, but it is rumored that more exist somewhere.  If you do not currently fear this weapon, you soon shall.

Why did you decide to become an emperor?

That's THE Emperor.  And I didn't decide it so much as it was my destiny.  However, benefits of running an empire are many:  harem, delicious snack cakes, harem ....  I am sure there are more.  I will get back to you on that.

If I woke up with a raptor head in my bed, perhaps with the raptor still attached and alive, which branch of the Empire is likely responsible for the little "message?"

It's hard to say, but given that it was (1) subtle, (2) sneaky, and (3) hilarious, I'd have to say it was me. However, since I don't remember doing that, I'm guessing that you brought this "raptor" home last night from a bar, and you need to limit your per evening Jameson whiskey intake to TWO shots.

Why have you seen fit to bathe the Earth with reproductive suppression fields?

Part of having a command economy is controlling demand, not just supply.  Population control is essential. You'll have to apply for a birthing permit just like everyone else.

Who is the boss of you?

Me! I am the boss of you!

What is re-education?

Sometimes it is just what it sounds like - replacement of learning by force or brainwashing.  Sometimes it is a euphemism.

When will our civil liberties be restored?

The only rights you have are those given to you by the state.

Is it true you instigated the imperial healthcare system just to have an excuse to pay for the Dossey's cyborg overhaul?


Do you have a question that you frequently ask?  Email it to

Back to Main